Speaking of healing... let me mention Givens... And, then Thanksgiving

Givens. Even the name says a lot. Givens was best at giving. Go figure. Right? Yet, even with all those clues surrounding me, I didn't "get" what Givens truly did!

So, Givens was a healing lesson for me. I didn't fully realize it until I went to that "healing" seminar and I saw how healing arises between people. As a Tesworth we had house servants. So, I figured everyone had house servants. You know, that is just the way it was. As I grew up, I started to notice that not everyone, even among the kids at the boarding school, had servants. Not to mention that EVERY weekend I came home Givens would always greet me with a loud welcome, announcing - Ms. Montressa has arrived!! That was important. I was someone special for someone. Do you know how healing that was. That helped me honor me. I was important to someone.

Oh, and by the way, I may be a book character, but I realize that tomorrow is Thanksgiving! Yes, a national day of gratitude to be thankful for all that we have. For people that find us special, for people we find special in our lives. Really to be Thankful for all of it. Thankful for the country we live in, for the town we live in. Thankful for the very people around us. Yes... whether we like them or not! ALL of it...ALL of it is showing us who we are and what we stand for!!

So, back to Givens. He taught me a lot about life, about focus, about service and about me. I will always be thankful that he is in my life. I wouldn't be able to write that last paragraph were it not for the complete support Givens gave me AND my family!!

Have a great Thanksgiving day... and let me mention that I am very Thankful for all who read and appreciate my blog!!

Healing...breathing...living

Every breath is a choice to live. In each and every breath we take we are making the choice to stay here and stay attached to this body... our body. We take breathing for granted. It is automatic. It "just" happens.... au contraire mon frère... whether we "realize" it and pay attention or just let it happen... it is a choice. This very post is on your journey to enlightenment. It was in mine for sure when I FINALLY realized it!!

So, about the seminar... that's what I learned there about living and healing. Each breath is a choice otherwise you won't be here attached to this body, your body.

So, healing is a choice. You must choose to be healed. And, the healer... they must choose to let "healing" energy pass. All of it is at your choice! No one can heal you. Only you can heal you. Sounds like a lonely universe, right? That is the price of a "free will zone" where each being has totally autonomy in their choices. YOU get to say. What's funny is that very dynamic makes the universe very full. Friends heal you. Healers heal you... the universe is so full. Love, that's what it is full of... love... and the love heals.

At the same time I was surprised at how easily the healing energy passed through me. In my case, the healing energy that healed the person I was healing also healed me. It healed me in a way that was totally unexpected by me. It made me realize how powerful choices are. My choice to let the healing energy pass and the person's choice to be healed. And, the really great aspect was the ease with which it all happened... even THAT was healing. THAT is where I got a full sense of the quantum space... when I saw it and felt it in action. And, yes, it did take paying attention. That environment pulled all of that from me... because I let it. I gave myself to the experience. Exciting isn't it. When you "give" yourself to life you get life, as in life infuses you and you actually get life, as in oh yeah, I get it!!

Healing many times focuses on a "disease". Oh, you've heard it before... dis-ease. A lack of ease, a disruption, a block of Qi. Yes, THAT dis-ease. Well, that's what happens when Qi is blocked!!  Trust me... I never thought of myself as a healer, yet there I was... healing. That was the other thing. Training was very fast for me... it came naturally to me. Probably because of my love for people. Did I say probably? See, we need to watch our words. Forget probably... it is because of my love for people. That was hard to recognize in myself. You know that Tesworth bruskness. Yet, even in that bruskness was love. You just had to look for it. Especially in my parents. Good people, but just afraid to show it... to show the love.

As I grew older and learned more, I realized how magnificent people are. They are magnificent, just being people. Oh yeah, we all have "stuff" we are dealing with. The important thing is that you deal with it. That's why you are alive and THAT's how you stay alive. And, as you uncover more of you, you become even more alive!! That is healing. Letting energy flow...

Energy... and Healing?

In my journey to me I have found aspects of myself that I always knew were there. I just didn't put any attention on them. Why? Well, they were at a deeper level of who I am and I was "probably" not ready to address them. We all have those deeper aspects and, if we are willing, as we grow and learn about ourselves we see more of them. We connect with them when our life context allows us to fully embrace that which we already are. You remember that "entelechy" thing that Mike talked about. We are already evolved, we just need to get to the point of recognizing and accepting it! Interesting dichotomy this universe presents.

So one of my aspects that escaped awareness was my ability to create "healing". For whatever reason, I had this appointment in my book to go to a "healing" presentation. You know, like what is healing? How does it look? Actually, I didn't even know what was supposed to be presented, yet I KNEW I was supposed to be there!! THAT is the shift that needed to happen for me. Life for me shifted from figuring out what I needed to do to KNOWING what I needed to do or KNOWING what was in my best interest. Seems a little challenging, right? Don't be daunted, okay? While in one context it seems almost "magical", in another it is really simple.

You see as we grew up we were taught to.... fill in the blank here. We were taught many, many things about how we need to be grown-up and it isn't nice to.... etc. Much of that certainly can be true at some level depending on the context of the situation. Still, what was missing was us. It IS okay to feel and be anyway you want. However, remember Karma always operates. It's like Newton's laws. Action and reaction. You know it is part of the duality. However, suppressing feelings just suppresses feelings. They don't go away until they are expressed. I know, I know... I harped on this before, right? Well, I'm harping again. These unexpressed feelings take your attention, your very life force, to hold down. As a result they are like a thin, maybe thicker, veil over you! And, by the way - literally OVER you as in covering YOU.. Yes big YOU. That is the beautiful being which you are that wants to shine brightly in this universe!! Yet, you are covered over and muzzled by these unexpressed feelings.

So, I went to this seminar and what I learned is that there is some kind of healing energy that operates. I experienced it. I loved how it felt. I'll talk more about this next time...

Have What You Have... and Insights

Since Mike started this yesterday, I'm gonna run with it!! "We so many times "rush" to judgment - like if I feel this way or that way I must be a "bad" person and we run away from it. Oh no! I am such a... fill in the blank... I say NO, you are just "feeling" what you are feeling - YOU aren't anything! THAT is how you start to uncover the GOLD in you! Be willing to HAVE what you have."

And, so that is one of the secrets of insights. Be WILLING to have what you have. Then notice what comes up for you in terms of judgments or other feelings. Many times we are not even WILLING to have the feeling because there is an attached judgment. Oh, I don't want to be a bad person so I'm not even going there!! It's okay... trust me... here's the downside, see that German Shepard with his head under the table and his butt sticking in the air... he thinks he's hiding because his eyes are covered!

That's what I'm saying about insights. You enter a crowded room at a party and "feel" funny. Like "maybe" you don't belong. You scan the room for someone you know. Don't see anyone. Behind that is "I'm uncomfortable". Behind that is the idea, "I wish I had stayed home." Behind that is, "I don't know anyone here." Some of that you are making up. Do you really not know anyone there? How did you get invited then? So, insight - when I get uncomfortable I begin to make up stuff that makes me more uncomfortable and instead of resolving the discomfort I want to get away from it.

Suddenly, someone paying attention to the room sees you. He immediately picks up on your discomfort. Why? 1)Because he is paying attention 2) He is willing to acknowledge what's up within himself. He sees you standing there and "knows" from his own pool of insights what you "might" be feeling. So, this guy there noticed this German Shepard with her head under a table and her eyes covered thinking she was hiding. EVEN THAT is an insight... even if I try to cover my feelings someone can pick up on them!! So, he comes over and says - "Hey, you look lost" and laughs to let you know he "gets" your feeling of discomfort and who you are in that moment. Based on your previous insights you know to just be real. "Yeah, Darby didn't tell me so many people would be here!" Now the party "ice" has been broken and at the same time you learned a lot about yourself.

Every moment of our lives hold the keys to who we are. As I said, you must be willing to have what you have. You don't have to believe it... just have it. That's the key. That's why enlightened people will tell you to take yourself lightly. In the duality is the existence of a blended being - Mind, heart and core! As you go deeper and deeper into who you are, you also understand how YOU operate in this quantum space. Hey... it's still a quantum space that is always operating. Always be aware of that.

Live Your Insights...

As we go through life our awareness deepens and we have insights about ourselves and our life. Having insights is one thing... living insights is something else! So, as we have the insights, it is important to incorporate them into our life. I'm not talking about nice ideas, but true insights. How do you know the difference? Insights come from a deeper place in you. And, that is part of the journey - To differentiate between "knowings", which I am calling insights, and nice ideas which are a product of your ego and mind. All of the "issues", things that are less appealing about our life on earth, are a product of mind and ego which occur to us as what I am calling "nice ideas". They arise from what we think. We "think" this is this way or that is that way. And, those thoughts are influenced by our emotions and judgments and evaluations of feelings. "Oh, I shouldn't feel that way". Why shouldn't you? That's what came up in you! Rather than censor it, look at it. It doesn't matter whether you should or shouldn't have that feeling or judgment. Fact is, you have it! THAT is information for you, about you. By acknowledging it you have choices in regard to it.

The "idea", for instance, "I own this land." How can you own something that you are a part of? Yeah, we own ourselves, but we really don't "own" ourselves. We are fully responsible for ourselves. Wouldn't the land of earth be treated the same way? We are responsible for this land. This is one of the reasons I say words in your life are important. The words create a relationship to you, an access to you. That is why I say to watch your words. Anyway, back to "nice ideas". Interesting, I now see that some of the issues that arise from "nice ideas" are actually imprecise use of words. Okay, then the words create an access to who and what we are. So, if I say "I own this land" what comes up in me?  This feeling of possession. A feeling of supreme authority. Yeah, right. Look at what Katrina did to New Orleans. Supreme authority. Umm... probably not! Own would not be the proper word to use in relation to all that is, would it?

This is what I am saying about awareness - it occurs like mini-awakenings on your journey which is a good reason to pay attention. Your insights are not there by accident, but are your route to enlightenment. It's a cumulative thing. The more you can live them, the more insights you have and the more enlightened you become! Is there an end-point? YOU tell me!

As we become aware of what is arising in us and put aside our judgments, we can get a clearer picture of who we are and what our journey has been. Then insights can arise within us about where we have been on our journey and what choices we might want to make based on them.

Whoami...

Yes, it's all run together. Like my life was!! Who Am I? The topical question now-a-days, isn't it? Notice how much more meaning is has when it is all spelled out... almost like we would like our life to be! Well, the secret? Accept your life. That's where it all starts. I was born into a rich family. Like if I was rich then I'd be okay.

Rich? What does that mean exactly? These are questions I directly or indirectly had to confront. I even had to confront those same questions in other people. Old boyfriends, new boyfriends... all with similar meanings and answers. The one common element was, it was not about the money or the wealth. It was more about what the money "means" to us and what the money does "for" us or "to" us. And, I can say, it does different things for different people... me included. For me the questions were, "How does this support me?" "How much do I "need"?"  "What do I want in my life?" These questions must be answered because they are part of the "whoami". As you address "Who Am I?", so you can begin to address money and wealth as well. Money looks like the currency of "external" life. As in what you actually see here and now. In fact, it is something deeper... it is your ability to continually unfold your existence... so to confuse what you see "here and now" with richness of being, that is a "mistake". Well, I know that's a judgment, but if you don't separate the two "whoami" and money Who are you? And, by the way, I am using money in the broadest context. It really is wealth I'm talking about. And, of course we can get into semantics about it, but that's not the point.

I was very fortunate. Some choices were easy for me because I already knew the other sides of the choices. Others could find it more difficult. It's like people who want to be "rock stars" or "movie stars" and collect money, don't realize there are sides to that ambition that are less appealing. Privacy, paparazzi etc.. A promotional manager that actually manages your life! Sounds good, right? Until you need to be on a plane at 5:00 AM because you need to be in a city two thousand miles away for a ten o'clock! Oh, except that you just got back from an awards party at 1 AM!!

So, "whoami". Choose wisely. Get to YOU.. not you...   you have ideas about what would work... but YOU know exactly what works... YOU has the greater wisdom. What others "think"? Not relevant. Oh, I will say what others "know" could be relevant... there's a big difference between what people "tell" you and what they KNOW! But, that again gets back to YOU knowing it too. If YOU know it, it will resonate...